Letting the words flow

Being at my dad’s woman’s family side In Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam for the past 12 days has been… trippy. Everyday, I allowed myself to lay in bed for 20+ hours a day. Pretty damn extreme. I lost my appetite, thats rare. I was neutral, I entertained myself with my thoughts so I wasn’t bored. Until it occurred to me that I was lying to myself. How can I be okay laying in bed the whole day? I’m a thinker, rarely conscious of how I feel. Youd never hear me say “I feel” it was always “i think” and that has caused me some trouble. ive always been highly conflicted by my heart and mind, i was always scared to make decisions, always, so i just ended up not making one at all. anyways, when I’m laying in bed I just read articles all day and go on social sites constantly. I love reading articles about philosophy and life and I came across a yin and yang that’s helping me change. I’d love to explain it all but basically, everyone has a feminine and masculine sign. it was saying that yin is the female, the heart is what you should follow to find your true self. Follow your hearts desires because it’s natural and natural goes in sync with the universe. If you deny the heart, to feel, and all you do is make decisions based on yang, the masculine, the mind, you will lose sense of the universe, therefore feel lost. Also, people deny their feelings because they’re scared of the unsure and unsafe and don’t know where it’ll lead them so the mind judges it as fear. You are not able to split, meaning only feel or only think, you have to use both to be in sync, to find that balance, intuition. It’s interesting.

Direct link: http://www.cakesbydesign.cc/YinYangEssay.html
More reads: http://www.cakesbydesign.cc/MetaphysicalStudy.html

Anyways, so I was testing the waters in the “feeling world” & it was terrible. I already knew this because I’ve tried it and hated the way I felt, it was always a strongly negative feeling. Then I told myself this isn’t the person I am. That’s why I switched my decision making back to strictly logic. And I started again to feel… it was horrible as I expected… I keep questioning why do I feel like this? I told myself I was allowed to feel this way because obviously something wasn’t right… I wouldn’t feel the way I did if things went right. I decided to uncover the dark side and it takes a lot of courage but I couldn’t hide it anymore, I couldn’t deny it. I knew that the start of this journey will help me to discover parts of me that I haven’t before. I wrote in my journal steps to making a decision, as ridiculous as it sounds, but it helped. I always write down formulas so that i can understand. I believed I read this on that site also… it stated to follow your heart.
1. FEEL. If you feel positive, keep following it. But if your feelings are negative, you have to find a way to alter it by thinking.
2. THINK. You feel this way, how can you change it into something positive? Make the decision based on what is best for you. Meaning… not holding onto any anger or continued negative feelings. This is your alternative.
-this is where “if you can’t change your circumstances, change the way you think about it” comes in handy.-
3. FEEL. Accept & know that the decision you made was right and know it wholeheartedly.
Accepting is crucial in letting go of all negative things. It gives us freedom. Free of attachments that are hurting us.

That is all there is to it… and if you feel…. and do all things with love, confidence and faith… things will fall into place.
-with love, you can never lose. There’s always so much to gain with showing love.
-with faith, you do acts of love and don’t have to double think about what you’re doing is right. You know you did the right thing.
-with confidence, knowing you did the right thing should make you walk away feeling good. because other people happiness is yours.

People that I know who follow their hearts tend to be more happy and have a better life. They’re more in tune with their feelings and intuition and that’s why I’m starting on this journey. I know that my feelings have been suppressed for years now and I’m going to fulfill my hearts desires one by one. Slowly but surely. It’s been one big confusing journey for the past couple of years, I always knew things didn’t feel right but did them anyways… my feelings were shouting at me and I didn’t hear them until now. You can never ignore your hearts desires because it’ll always be there, always trying to find a way to be heard. You’ll hear it… and you’ll have no choice but to listen to it. I’m at full attention now, heart, let’s do this. Take me on the best adventure you’re hungry for and have been longing for.